When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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