I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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