He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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