i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
