Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
