I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I party with great urgency now.
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