I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
honey bunches of taint.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
