She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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