My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
