i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just found a bag of teeth...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
