that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
