Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
