Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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