my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
