I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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