I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Hippo gnu deer
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
