well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
