she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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