found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize