Swine flu. Run for my life!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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