I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
