Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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