dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
