She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
