If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
