so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
