I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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