WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
