Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
