Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
