Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
