i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
