I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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