Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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