He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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