Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
