I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
