i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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