she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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