I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
