Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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