i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
