I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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