The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
