So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
