while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
