the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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