I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize