had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
