I could make wine with my vomit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
