Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
