She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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