you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
