Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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