I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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