it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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