Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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