I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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