I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
