She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
