i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The struggles of a small town man whore
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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