yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize