Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
