We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
