if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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