You're so nebulous sometimes
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Randomize
