I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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