I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
